Of Love and Family
by fullyvisible
Summary: Reaction fic to 3x21. "Caitlin, I love you." "I don't love you, Julian. I never did. I never loved any of you."


"Have you been here all night?" Barry asked with concern.

Julian looked up from his work, blinking. "If it's morning, then yeah, I guess so." He shrugged. "I must've lost track of time. There aren't exactly windows in here."

"I would've brought you a coffee if I'd known you were still here," Barry said, taking a sip from his own Jitters cup.

"No matter, I should probably go home and get some sleep anyway," Julian brushed him off. He made no move to get up and instead started to turn his focus back to the notes in front of him.

"What are you working on?" Barry asked, moving closer.

"Caitlin. I . . . I have to figure this out. I have to find a cure. It's my fault she's like this. If I can work out a way to fix this and get her back, maybe we'll have a better chance at stopping Savitar."

"It's my fault at least as much as yours," Barry said. "I created Flashpoint. I did this to all of you."

Julian shook his head. "Sure, on a macro level, but I set this off. I didn't listen, I pulled off the necklace even though she explicitly told me not to."

"Don't blame yourself."

Julian laughed harshly. "Easier said than done, mate."

"I'm serious," Barry said earnestly. "You did it to save her life. It's not healthy to internalize these unintended consequences and let them eat at you."

"Speaking from experience, are you?" snapped Julian. Barry winced, looking away. Julian sighed. "Sorry. I didn't mean to lash out like that. I'm just . . . I'm really worried about Caitlin."

"I know. It's okay."

"It's not, though," Julien protested. "You're at _least_ as worried about Iris as I am about Caitlin, probably more, and you're still here trying to make me feel better."

"There's not much else I can do. Anything I plan, any ideas I have to take down Savitar, they go straight to him. He knows how it turns out before I do," said Barry, his voice sharp with bitterness. "I might as well be encouraging someone who still has a chance to make things right."

Julian nodded, biting his lip. "I'm doing my best. Whatever it takes, I'll save her. Them."

"You really do love her, don't you? Caitlin, I mean."

"Yeah," said Julian, his voice breaking. "I really do. Have for a while now. I just never told her until . . . until it was too late."

"It's _not_ too late," Barry said forcefully. "We'll get her back. You'll get another chance."

"God, I hope so. The way she reacted tonight, I – I don't know what I expected, really. Maybe I thought, if I just tell her, let her know how much she means to me, it'll get through to her and she'll come back. The power of love and all that." He let out a breath, deflated. "I was stupid."

"You aren't stupid. Cisco and I have been doing the same thing. Caitlin's our family. I keep thinking we can make her remember that and get her to just . . . I don't know, start being Caitlin again." Barry paused. "She does love you, you know."

"She very explicitly told me she does _not,_ actually, and she never has," Julian said. "Thanks, though."

"She does," Barry argued. "Killer Frost might not, but Caitlin does." He raised his eyebrows. "Unless, of course, you think she actually doesn't love Cisco and me either."

Julian shook his head quickly. "Of course she loves the two of you. Like you said, you're family."

"You're part of that family, too, you know," Barry told him. "Whatever happens – with Caitlin, with Iris, with all of us – you're Team Flash. You're family."

"Thank you," Julian whispered, looking up at Barry. "I'll do my best to earn that."

"That's the thing with family," Barry said with a smirk. "You don't really have to 'earn' it."

Taking a deep breath, Julian smiled. "Well, then, I'll just do my best to put our family back together."

"Get some sleep first, Julian. You'll do better work when you're fresh."

He hesitated. "I will, just – a few more minutes. Honestly, I don't think I'd be able to sleep anyway."

Barry nodded, his eyes filled with understanding. "Okay. I'll be on the track if you need me."

"Thanks, mate," said Julian with a tight smile.

"We're going to save them. Both of them."

"Cheers to that."


End file.
